Thoughts On Loyalty

Some former colleagues posted about loyalty this weekend.  Paraphrasing, they said, “If you can’t get behind and support the President, maybe you should leave the country” and “You should hope the president does a good job rather than standing on the sidelines and sniping.”   Which got me thinking about loyalty — at work, in relationships, and in government.

What is loyalty

My colleagues' idea of loyalty is unwavering support, no matter what – and I just can't get behind that.  This is a weak form of allegiance that ultimately fails everyone.  We are all human, and sometimes make mistakes; when we make big mistakes, unwavering support is not good for anyone.  And this conception of loyalty allows us to skip the tough conversations we should have when things are amiss — we sit on our misgivings and provide unwavering support, even when we can see the train is headed off the tracks.

I’ve offered this form of loyalty at work and in my personal life, which usually led to much bigger problems.  One of my worst periods as a manager was in the 96-97 timeframe when we were working on Internet Explorer 4.  Internet Explorer 3 had been a very successful but grueling project, and the core team was tired and needed a break.  So we brought in some new leadership to work on Internet Explorer 4.  The new leaders were all strong, successful people, but it became clear that they were the wrong people for the Internet Explorer job.  I tried to remain loyal to and supportive of them and avoid the tough conversations, but the situation just got worse.  Ultimately, we had to change leadership, and the longer I remained loyal to the inappropriate leadership, the more the project suffered and the reputations of the ill-suited managers suffered.  And ultimately, my own credibility suffered.

Unwavering loyalty to a person, to a cause, to an organization — it will maybe get you over some small bumps, but in a tough situation, it will be a liability.

Real loyalty means being a steadfast friend, and being able to offer criticism compassionately.  Your co-worker, your best friend, your partner — they need to know when they may be treading dangerously.  You can communicate this with kindness and empathy, but they deserve to hear it.  They may ignore your advice, but they deserve the benefit of it and your honesty.

Some of my most genuine friends have been those who have been willing to come to me and tell me when I am making a big mistake.  I didn’t see him as often as I would have liked to, but the late Eric Engstrom was a great friend, and I distinctly remember him and Craig Eisler coming into my office every day and telling me all the mistakes I was making.  OK they didn’t always do it with kindness and empathy, but they were honest, and they would listen to my feedback, and we made better decisions thanks to their honesty.  I never viewed this as disloyalty; I viewed it as extreme loyalty.

Loyalty to country demands criticism

The notion that criticism implies disloyalty is un-American.  This country was founded on criticism.   The founders were so critical of how things were going that they went to war.  Honest and open criticism — free speech — is at the very core of our country, it is a principle that people died for.   Offering thoughtful criticism is the most American thing you can do, and suppressing criticism is not true loyalty.

Our founders also established a country of principles and laws, starting with the Constitution.   Every public official swears an oath to defend the Constitution, and every naturalized citizen swears an oath to defend and uphold the Constitution.  We all owe loyalty to these principles — and none of us owe loyalty to any particular individual.  

Loyalty works both ways

Loyalty is a two-way street.   Many of us have, at times in our careers, given our all to a company or a project, only to find that this loyalty was not reciprocated — projects were canceled, the company laid off employees, etc.   We should all be cautious about what efforts we give our loyalty to and what loyalty we receive in return.  

I will give leeway to elected officials who demonstrate that they are loyal to the principles of our nation, who show that they have the Constitution and the people first and foremost in their minds.  I may not always agree with them, but if they have a demonstrated history of loyalty to our nation’s principles, then I will trust them a great deal.

As a counter-example, how much trust should I extend an elected official who is relaxing crypto regulation, is considering a personal investment in a large crypto firm, is considering a pardon for the felon founder of that term, and is directing federal money into crypto assets?   All of this is designed to enrich the Trump family and their friends at the expense of the US taxpayer and our principles.  How much leeway should I give this President when he uses the leeway to pursue his self-interest rather than the interests of the citizens?